Monday, February 26, 2007
Life & CJ
wells..
i realized how much time i waste doing stupid stuff all over..
n complaining im too tired in the end n all..
real dumb..
oh wells..
i failed my econs test.. 7/25..
its like.. i nvr stop failing stuff la..
so far.. ive nvr passed a test in cj yet..
prob except the chi test.. 25/50
but overall still fail chi..
oh gdness..
im beginning to think that jc life isnt my thing..
sighs..
n i was so sure last year tt i'll go poly..
i hope im making the right choice this time to remain in cj..
ive gotta study extra hard cos the subs im taking.. require heavy reading..
which i dont do..
the mindset to study is always so diff to come across..
everyday i come home.. i wanna slp.. but end up nt doing so..
i become fully awake.. n regret the next day im too tired..
oh wells..
dunno wads wrong with me..
this is my life nw..
and i hope i'll soon achieve a more positive attitude towards this..
theres probably just too much stuff going arnd in my mind nw..
n i cant seem to solve em..
hmmm.. anws..
last fri, sat, sun..
had family chalet..
n i gambled almost everyday..
i lost again.. as usual..
looks like this year aint my year.. heh..
on sat..
i guess i made new friends when my dad's guest all arrived..
jus like every cny..
saw old frens.. chat.. had some fun..
n saw this young boy.. who is SO SO cute!!!!
haha.. k.. im nt a.. erm.. how did u spell tt word again..
a person who likes young children n all...? er.. ya.. basically.. im nt that..
its jus that he is so cute la..
haha.. mix blood.. half jap n half singaporean..
nice=)
i think being japanese is rather cool..
hmmm.. night ended late.. n saw my dad gambling crazily.. n his luck wasnt gd either..
the stakes he play.. n the amt he lost JUST on cards..
is prob the amt of sch money i get the whole year..
yes.. n tts crazy..
oh wells..
on sunday.. i played cluedo with Stefanie, Mathea n my sis at uncle albert's place cos there was hardly anything to do.. besides eat.. which i did again later on tt day..( finished all the curry chicken=P)
i won 3 out of 4 rounds.. haha..
n the best part was.. 2 of em.. were all guessed!
haha.. i jus decided tt i wanted to call the murderer.. n.. haha..
i got it correct.. so so funny.. everyone was like laughing n all.. nt being able to believe my luck..
oh wells..
sch today however.. felt real screwed up.. the first period.. i was like high n full of energy..
after the break.. my brain shut off.. i think its qianyu's fault.. haha.. she kept yawning n yawning.. caught the tired bug since the first period..
i had a headache n was tired the whole day.. oh wells..
i didnt absorb anything today.. tts y..
i'm......
gonna........
stu--....
stud....
STUDY!
haha.. yes.. i will read thru my econs stuff.. no way im retaining for year 1..
whew..
guess tts how it is for havin little slp..
im prob gonna slp soon after doing what i hav to do..
sighs..
i still owe work..
1) Gp essay due last week n a few days
2) Chinese cheng yu due since 3rd week of sch.. if i pass this up.. i pass chi.. but im lazy to do it..
guess i'll leave em for another day..
hmmm.. overall..
guess.. my life aint tt bad after all huh..? =/
an apple a day, keeps the doctor away
8:29 PM
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Monday, February 19, 2007
CNY day2
hello! i realized i haven blogged for a week.. whew..
jus finished some mahjong again.. i won some money today=)
make up for losses..
oh.. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
well, i guess my cny's been so so..
except for the loses in gambling..
esp the 50 dollars incurred on the first day of cny..
oh wells..
that shant be bothered..
cos i did receive a so so ant of red packets..
with some more to come soon..
haha..
hmmm..
last week.. sch's been rather ok..
on valentine's.. real special..
i mean.. its the first time i had it with girls in the sch..
n.. its really different..
cos u'll get presents!
haha.. n i did receive presents..
haha.. unlike in st gabs.. where valentine's was jus any other ordinary day..
only thing diff was ppl selling chocs n stuff toys trying to raise funds..
anws.. i joined the 'lonely hearts' club in my class.. haha..
well..
since i had no date.. ( like since i was born )
i went out with frens..
brain, gareth, joanne, rachel & xavier.. oh.. n terrence..
had dinner.. n jus sat down to chat at clarke quay.. well..
it was rather.. u know.. tt weird sort of feeling.. when u c many couples? haha..
yeah.. i felt tt.. oh wells..
but.. everyday can be valentine's when u really like that special someone i presume =)
the next few days were so so..
screwed an econs test.. n had cny celebrations on fri!
it was rather gd.. esp the odac one..
when the announcement said that odac would perform..
i was preety darn sure they would run arnd the stage..
haha.. but.. they didnt.. n came up sth real gd.. prob one of the few best things in cj..
after tt.. i went to buy my red shirt at vivo! (thanks joanne..)
FINALLY!
u wouldnt believe how happy i was la..
as in super super happy.. haha..
played a lousy game of badminton after buying.. then headed off with rachel, joanne, and jamie to shopping..
haha.. n.. i didnt buy anything..
but tried to find a nice striped shirt at orchard..
cos joanne n jamie said tt all guys look gd in striped shirts.. esp black stripes or sth..
haha.. but we didnt find it..
jamie's dad gave everyone a lift back to somewhere prominent..
but i fell aslp in the car.. sighs.. so.. awkward la.. oh wells..
i also went shopping on sat.. cny eve..
with joanne n jamie.. n i had fried mars bars.. haha..
double the sin.. double the taste!!
went around criticizing n laughing at shop names..
cos the shops at far east give their shops very very weird, funny, n amusing names!
haha.. like bus stop, red 2, craft7, n some even without a shop name.. i mean.. its nice n all.. but.. y so funny? haha..
n the places has repeated shops.. meaning both shops hav the same names..
haha.. but didnt buy anything again.. except a book..(!!!!!!! A BOOK?!)
but reunion dinner was so so gd..
no matter how the food was.. i always liked reunion dinners..
be it the food.. the people.. it jus was always fun n nvr failed to make me nt look forward to it..
somehow.. tt's one of the best meals every year..
on cny itself.. went visiting here n there.. gambled.. ate.. sampled bak kwa at every house( and have so far marked the one's at my godma's place the best :) )met my cousins.. lost money.. collected red packets..
wearing my red long sleeved shirt=D
haha.. red is jus such a nice colour..
dont u all agree?
haha.. oh wells.. nth much to add alr..
except..
i have a strong craving for sweet stuff nw..
as in.. really..
i finished a whole pack of mini toons sweets worth 3 bucks plus in an hr or sth..
addiction to sweet drinks real strong.. i usually don drink soft drinks.. nw..
im like taking one or two a day..
but ive since controlled..
after thinking how diabetes would ruin my life=P
n sorta making an agreement to someone i wont take anymore sweet stuff..
heh.. today..
headed to watch protege at j8 with joanne, rachel, damiamn n joel..
it was a gd show..
though.. some parts were rather freaky..
oh wells..
tmr afternoon maybe gg out again..
c how things go..
vivian's chasing me for my econs project since last fri..
everyone in the grp has done their part except me..
n.. im supposed to give her by 12pm this morning.. haha..
its alr 2am nw..
calculating the opportunity cost of nt doing project......
hmmmm...
= gd sleep..(ahhhh.........)
oh screw.. ive gotta be responsible..
till next time =)
an apple a day, keeps the doctor away
11:42 PM
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Sunday, February 11, 2007
I'm nt ready depression.. ( o results and my current screwed up life )
I'm jus nt ready for depression this time round..
oh wells.
happy stuff first..
i got 14pts for o's!
wells.. i sorta wanted 13 badly.. but..
oh wells.. at least 14 is still quite average..
on fri..
out of 19 ppl..
only 7 turned up in my class!
haha.. the form teacher was like laughing la..
haha..
attendance so so pathetic..
anws..
left sch at 11 n headed to play badminton at serangoon central..
wit xavier ( who pon sch tt day ) n colin..
singles marathon..
after tt.. we finished at 1.30.. headed to xavier's hse to shower n change..
then.. we knew we were supposed to be at sch by 2! gdness.. we rushed.. n.. we arrived at 2.45..
haha..
then.. they were close to finishing the briefing on jae.. so.. i dun really know how to apply..
haha..
oh wells.. shouldnt be too hard..
anws.. then came the moment of truth..
n.. yupp.. 14 pts for me.. i was real anxious n scared.. n thank god for his help..
hmmm.. headed to central with colin, lucas, brain, n xavier after tt..
while dino left halfway looking real pissed n sad.. prob cos he didnt do well..
anws.. drank the usual dung.. n headed to macs..
crapped.. rested.. so on..
n went to play soccer with colin.. n xavier.. with some of colin's frens..
the terrain was real sandy n rocky..
but.. it worked out.. i sorta like my new class jersey though..
only prob.. the key label.. which is.. the class im in.. is missing.. haha..
headed to chomp chomp to eat... a rather gd dinner.. n back to colin's hse where i had an unplanned stayover..
we were suppose to watch a movie..
then.. we did.. nacho libre..
then they wanted a second one..
n so.. we did.. watched the covenant..
well... i didnt really watch.. i was half asleep throughout the movie.
woke up at various times staring blankly into the screen wondering wad was gg on..
haha.. i headed to bathe after the movie.. n when i came out..
they( colin, xavier, n colin's sis ) wanted to play risk..
well.. so i joined.. it was alr 2+ though..
my first time playing..
haha.. i anyhow placed my soldiers..
n well.. most had only one..
haha. n the best..
was my ability of six..
an army of 8 tried conquering my army of 1..
n only managed to do so on the 4th or 5th attempt.. hah..
after tt.. everyone was afraid to take over me.. haha..
but this luck thing lasted nt long..
only till i got tired again..
i started rolling 1, 2 and 3's.. haha..
for like 5 consecutive throws..
i was tired.. so.. i lied down everytime it wasnt my turn..
n.. the next thing i knew.. i heard xavier n colin talking..
it was alr 7.. haha..
i slept..
n they jus woke up.. they played till 5.. while i retired at 4.. haha..
they told me they stole all my territory.. cos there was no one manning it.. hah..
they tried to wake me up.. but.. haha.. they couldnt.. i was sleeping heavily..
heh.. tt was a fun day..
but wells..
it all wasnt tt well.. i guess..
last night..
surprisingly..
i dreamt abt her in my dream..
n gdness.. tt dream was so weird n real..
i woke up in a shock..
it went like this...... ( its gonna be crappy.. )
~someone told me.. tt.. if i went back to the past..
this girl would like me..
n.. ha.. i agreed.. he told me tt.. the con would be studying for o's n going thru the trauma again..
still.. i agreed..
n.. things happened.. i told the girl i like her..
n she said she had sth for me..
n the next thing i knew..
i was in panic.. in shock..
like.. sth was wrong..
i cant explain wad happened..
n i cant really rmb..
n.. zap.. i was back at reality..
half thanking god it was real.. n half cursing abt the stupid dream which gives me sth like false hopes.. n a sense of stupidity..
sighs.. but.. it was a somewhat.. gd dream? sighs.. im confused..
i dunno whether i still hav feelings for her..
its like.. the more someone pushes u away..
the desire sorta gets stronger..
yr grip gets tighter..
it sucks..
anws..
here's wad im feeling nw..
this is a little sth i wrote a long time ago n posted on my blog.. guess it still reflects me.. ( after reading i cant believe i wrote it.. ha.. )
i edited quite a lot of it though.. if only i was brain.. who is someone like a walking dictionary..
here:
She mesmerizes me still.
Her smiles and her laughs.
Everything she does is beautiful.
Everything she does is right.
Simply brightening my day and my life.
I realized what life was at that moment.
To have that special someone always by your side, pushing you on.
I pictured her being dressed to the nines, capturing everyone's attention and making every guy's dream come true.
That's just a thought, though I wish it was real.
Making me lost for words and heart beating at a different pace, it felt like my life has came and gone, my heartbeat faster and faster.
The tension was increasing as i approached her, heart beating faster then the spraying of a machine gun.
Why?
Because I needed her so.
She's the one who makes my world go round, she's my lucky charm, she's everything.
I slowly tailed her from behind.
Making sure she does not notice me, because she was irritated by my disability to understand how she feels about me.
But, I've known her for a while and all of these seem only to be summarised to one thing, I was in love.
How could i have been so oblivious of this at first?
That doesn't matter now.
For she always hints her discomfort of me continuosly pursuing this shattered dream.
I could feel tears cascading down my cheek.
There was a fear in me.
A fear to be tossed aside, fearing this rejection.
But i had to bring myself to do it, I just had to!
All my past experiences seem to subside and now, it was only me, and her.
Once again i saw her never-forgotten smile, it was, lovely.
What was I to do now?
If i were not to be voicing my feelings out again, would i not lose out?
Or would I probably be committing suicide?
I just needed a little more than myself this time.
For my life was still a jigsaw puzzle far from complete.
It was a wreck, just a mess.
But yet the missing pieces refuses to be framed.
I zapped myself back to this reality,
Not forgetting that my friends are always there.
Always making things easier to bear.
Plucked my courage and thought to myself, this.. is life..
I had to face facts,
Stop living in the clouds and perceiving things will always work out.
But I could not,
The feeling of false hope thrilled me.
Moving on is an option,
But darkness only lurks from where I see things.
I could not rid this feeling of depression and an unseen hurt I am currently suffering from.
Her smiles are what soothes the wounds.
whew.. im done..
i think.. it sounds..
worthy of literary merit..
oh wells.. maybe this is an exaggeration from how im feeling nw..
but.. at least u get the gist..
hmmm..
i'm still confused nw..
n there's so much on my mind..
its valentine's tmr.. i really hope it'll be a happy one..
an apple a day, keeps the doctor away
11:45 PM
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Friday, February 09, 2007
just a complete mess..
why is my life a complete mess?
simply..
cos it just is..
sighs.. im makin no head.. nor tail..
jus tt ive been troubled n thinking bout so much stuff these few days..
im on the verge of a mental break down..
as in seriously..
jus like the period b4 o's.. arnd sep or sth..
i was so eager to go visit the sch councillor to talk n for advice.. but i didnt cos things were nt really bad.. and i accepted stuff..
but.. it aint really.. hmmm.. workin out this time..?
so tts wad im prob gonna do this mon..
jus feel.. tt i need it..
esp if my results turn out to be real.. atrocious 11 hrs frm now..
n the fact tt i went out wit dino n lucas today didnt change anything.. i did hav my laughs n crapping with both of them..
heading to queensway.. scoldin dino n making fun of him while he whacks me..
n how lucas n i go arnd shops going wa wa wee wa!
n laughing at spoilt shoes on display costing 154.65
as well as buying my new wallet..
leaving there, trying to go in frnt of ppl queing for taxi's..
n laughing at them..
headed to bugis while it was closing alr..
walked arnd there n crapped as usual..
shared lame stuff n recalled past moments..
n the fact i got top 60.. which my name is on the 60th spot n the last on the table.. did make me real happy at first..
but realized it was nth really gd at the end of things..
all these was fun..
but nt enough to solve whats on my mind.. which i kept thinking abt during the quiet moments i had..
i needed answers n solutions..
so.. i guess it didnt really help much..
though i enjoyed the time spent with them( thanks guys.. n cheer up la dino.. i should be more sad then u.. )
n probably..
this is y i feel so screwed n in need of help..
1) o results
2) where to go after
3) what would be of me if i go wherever
4) i dun like studying n hav failed papers done so far
5) things aint workin out at my end
6) my life's kinda messed up
7) time's chasing me.. i feel stressed n really tired.. cant pay attention during lessons..
n.. ya..
tts sth like it?
its jus all tangled up or sth..
n.. i jus feel weird..
hopefully my results would be fine later..
jus.. hopefully..
i wanna get back to my old, laughy, cheery, positive self again..
i miss tt.........
n tt was then.....
sorry again.. i'll update definitely.. on my orientation on my next update.. unless sth really crops up.. which i hope would nt...
n.. well..
it is true the patch of grass on the other side is greener..
jus tt.. i don't like this shade of green.. n there's nth really much i could do to change it..
jus looking at the grass..
waiting..
waiting..
~"im the one who wants to be with you"
an apple a day, keeps the doctor away
1:50 AM
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Wednesday, February 07, 2007
A bad day....
well..
the title says it all..
i dont know whether it could really be considered bad but..
ya..
things didnt seem quite well today..
cos.. my stomach still hurts..
n.. i didnt even get top 20 for 5.2km run..
not to mention 20.. i dun even think i hit 50....
heard the cut off timing for top20 was 22min+..
n i was pretty sure my timing was way faster..
definitely 25min + or -
sighs..
oh wells..
n today..
i finally gave the stuff n told the stuff i ha wanted to for a really long time alr..
but..
ya.. as i had.. hoped nt for..
she had not much of any reaction..
except saying she wouldnt read the letter..
so our friendship wont be spoilt..
guess.. i could accept tt..
sighs..
i dunno wad to do in sch tmr alr..
cos my life seems to be going downhill....
but i can only choose to stay positive..
its jus hard nw..
crap....
tmr going out with lucas n dino..
hope i'll be much happier after crapping n going arnd doing the stupidest of the stupid stuff..
short post today.. im nt in the mood for writing..
anws.. thanks all for reading yeah?
it really means sth to me..........
an apple a day, keeps the doctor away
10:59 PM
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cjc x-country, n tmr's the day..
hello=)
gdness me..
came back from seeing the doctor nt long ago..
my stomach's been hurting since last wed? n my hand looks as if its mutating..
n yeah.. the doc said it was some viral infection when i went to see him today..
oh wells..
tmr's the x-country..
below 25mins!
hopefully..
competition is even harder this year..
heard they're much more fast runners..
wont be pulled down..
at least positon 33..
no more than tt..
hah.. im seeing frm my mind eye..
ok.. forget it..
i'll know later today when i start running..
hmmm.. anws..
i had fun in sch today.. more like after sch actually..
haha..
played games as usual with xavier's class.. t33..
very fun stuff.. haha..
laugh like crazy..
the best was the last forfeit..
haha.. i suggested.. at the bus stop.. we play.. loser takes the next bus no matter wad.. haha..
n one of the guys lost.. haha..
so funny la.. n thew best part.. out of the almost 10 buses there..
he couldnt take 1 of them.. n that bus came.. haha!
i was laughing till my stomach was cramping up la.. haha..
headed to j8 after tt wit xav n his fren.. wei lin or sth.......
we played more forfeit games at swensens.. haha..
i dunno y.. but it was jus damn funny.. out of the.. 7 games we played.. xavier lost 5.. i didnt lose any.. haha..
alrights.. enough of laughing..
hmmm..
back to the serious stuff.
tmr..
ive decided to do it..
yupp.. im going to..
finally..
giving the tarts.. n the letter..
n.. (i'l update more on this when i could..)
n hopefully.. things will work out..
if its nt meant to be.. it wont be
this friday again...
traumatizes so many la..
like my lit tcher will say..
u will know wad soup u're in..
*hot soup
*cold soup
*maybe the better ones shark fin soup..
haha.. she's real weird n funny la.. she lectures.. n teaches..
n laughs at her own jokes.. haha..
alrights.. its super late..
if nt i wont hav energy to run tmr.. n maybe go out after tt..
till nxt time.. i promise i'll write about orientation..
n the amt of fun i had..
an apple a day, keeps the doctor away
12:09 AM
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Monday, February 05, 2007
Studying.. I like failure..
results alr comin out this fri..
how fast time flies..
n yet..
i feel pressured..
i dunno where to go..
jc.. poly.. or.. whatever..
i wanna go poly..
but.. i dunno wad course..
food science.. or.. psychology.. or.. maybe sth new..?
if tts the case..
i hav to go to a jc to further studies..
which i so so hate..
n.. yes..
ive always questioned myself.. esp in sec 4..
y study subs which would nvr be impt to me in my life?
the only reasonable ones i should actually hav lessons are eng maths n chi..
or maybe some others..
i dun understand why i need history..
why i need ss..
accounts n lit was sorta fun.. so i'll leave tt out..
sciences.. also.. like. .nt really of much usage to me..
if only schooling was such whereby one picks what s/he wants to study............
hmmm..ok.. guess i jus spoilt the mood of the blog..
haha..
lively time!
i went with track today.. haha.. running.. i now know the 5.2k route..
n i clocked 27mins today..
sighs.. must try to get 25 n below in order to get top20..
im sorta aiming for that.. with my mind eye.. i can picture the victory thing.. jus like the track coach said.. its possible.. haha..
mind eye, mind eye, mind eye, mind eye, mind eye.....................
oh screw.. it aint workin.......
doesnt mean i wont try to clinge on to top20!
heh..
wells..
i jus got back my maths..
n my.. was i shocked..
i was so sure i was gonna get a zero.....
qn1) i thought the cube of 3 was 9, so the whole log qn was sorta gone, oh.. n i spent 15min out of the possible half an hour of the paper on jus this qn.. haha.. (x)
qn2) it looked confusing so i skipped (x)
qn3) i forgot the formulaes (x)
qn4) i didnt hav a graphic calculator so i cannot sketch the graph out.. (x)
n.. i was really sure i'll get a 0/25...
but..
i actually.. managed.......
a 3!
whew... hi5!
which wad rebecca gave me....
i expected a "its ok.. u can always work harder.."
but she congratulated me on my 3...
haha..
n i failed the surprise econs test the other day..
n i think im gonn fail chi test today..
haha.. my life is getting more interesting..........
its jus like how i thought i would screw prelims up cos ive been failing all the revision tests..
n i ended up getting 2nd in class.. haha..
i'll update more abt cjc.. n my class.. n my orientation grp next time..
an apple a day, keeps the doctor away
11:48 PM
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Sunday, February 04, 2007
And u thought u've seen it all......
Haha..
And u thought u have seen it all..
hav u thought of my blog's great revival?
haha.. here it iS!
wells..
hopefully it'll be more lively nw..
despite the fact my blog has been a living vegetable for a few months.. abt.. 6 n a half?
haha..
ok.. since its been super long.. i dunno what to write abt..
where should i start...?
hmmm..
okok.. o's!
haha.. well.. that WAS what the commercial was all abt..
o's here.. o's there..
n basically..
i sorta screwed it..? and to think.. i actually got 18 for prelims!
gdness.. i never thought of tt.. i was expecting... hopefully less than 30.. or abt there.. n.. i got 18.. haha.. so applied cjc for pae.. n i got in=p
haha.. n hopefully my 13 pts wouldnt be a dream..
results this comin fri..
i wonder y i dun really feel anything..
which well.. is a lousy feeling..
ok.. forget the whole o's thing..
this one.. is bout my many new frens i made..
esp those from ctk..
cos we went throught the con3 chs camp tgt..
we bonded.. n made new friends..
went out on so many outings..
n whew.. nice stuff=)
despite only knowing for 3 days...
we went out on the following week.. n so fourth..
haha.. the 'facils'.. tts what we call each other..
alrights..
up next....
china holiday trip...?
.......
na... tt.. wasnt really gd.. though.. haha.. i had some fun i suppose..?
kids called me the rockmelon..
hmmm... i dunno y..
haha.. went to many places..
n the food.. was so so gd............ only on the first day......
1st day: a bowl jus wasnt enough.. "i need 2 more!"
2nd day: i wish i didnt eat so much last night.. cos.. 1 stil doesnt satisfy my stomach n greed..
3rd day: the food aint tt bad.. jus another bowl..
4th day: er.. "im full.. jus a bowl would do me fine.."
5th day: na.. give u some.. the uncle put too much rice inside.. its like.. 2 bowls of rice in a bowl..
6th day: wth is this? the starved would most prob skip the meal.. i ate cup noodles tt night..
7th day: macdonalds! thank the lord for macdonalds!
yupp.. tt was how food was..
it kept getting bad..
not because the food really tasted bad..
its jus tt.. the food.. sorta gets on the nerves of yr taste buds..
its too salty..
so.. as the day progressed.. i ate little by little..
i jus couldnt take it..
i got a stomach ache on day 5 or sth though..
n because it was a chinese tour..
which i didnt really pay attention too cos half the time.. i was wondering wad he was saying..
i was playing my gameboy on the bus.. or maybe sleeping..
haha.. i was a great example of wad one man said to us..
"shang che shui jiao, xia che niao niao, hui jia mo ming qi miao"
n tt was what happened.. i couldnt rmb the places i went to.. cos it was all chinese..
since i dun really wanna make the post so long.
i'll talk abt cjc nxt week.. as well as more of my nov/dec holidays..
and nt to mention.. my new year resolutions..
and..........
hmmm.........................
an apple a day, keeps the doctor away
1:32 AM
care to share? (0)
take a bite here!
